Ken & Emily Behrle
 


 

Read this story and then say Ew...

Restaurant promotes sex in its bathrooms

Mildred's Temple Kitchen invites diners to visit its unisex stalls for a little Valentine's Day loving

Published On Wed Feb 03 2010
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A hostess shows off a washroom at Mildred's, where sex is

By Amy Pataki Restaurant Critic

Mildred's Temple Kitchen is inviting customers to have sex in its bathrooms.

The Valentine's weekend promotion takes uncomfortable but electrifying sex from the close confines of an airplane and transfers it to the unisex stalls of the Hanna Ave. restaurant.

The Liberty Village restaurant proposes its modern bathrooms become one of the "101 places to have sex before you die."

Mildred's has always elicited a certain response. One customer, who didn't want to be named, remembers going to a wedding at the eatery's old location and seeing a copy of the Kama Sutra in the bathroom.

"They invite it," said the customer.

This time, the invitation is explicit. On its website, Mildred's asks: "Have you given any thought to moving beyond the bedroom?

"Check out Mildred's Sexy Bathrooms throughout the weekend of Big Love. You get the picture."

Actually, the picture is clouded by practicalities. Is the restaurant supplying condoms? What about the health risks of body fluids? And who's cleaning up?

"We've always had little trysts in our bathrooms," says chef/co-owner Donna Dooher, pointing to lingering weekday lunches as a popular time. "We're taking it to the next level on Valentine's weekend."

The restaurant's four bathrooms light up outside when occupied. Staff have learned to watch the light flicker twice when two customers enter the same bathroom, usually a few minutes apart.

Toronto Public Health says as long as there's no sex in the kitchen and the restaurant keeps its washrooms clean and sanitized, it's not fussed. "As far as bodily fluids, it's pretty much similar to the other human functions going on in there," says Jim Chan, manager of the food safety program.

Dooher says customers must bring their own condoms but she's hiring a maid to tidy the washrooms that weekend. "She'll be there with her feather duster and cleaning supplies."

At least diners aren't encouraged to use furry handcuffs, part of a $55 "naughty love hamper," while at Mildred's. "Best to savour and enjoy (those) long after you leave the restaurant," the restaurant says.

apataki@thestar.ca

 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE? STEALING STUFF AND PUTTING IT ON MY SITE.  ESPECIALLY FUNNY STUFF.

23 Situations About To Go Horribly Awry

By CRACKED Readers Feb 03, 2010 171,917 views
article image

Sometimes failure comes out of nowhere. Other times, you start to count the number of exclamation points you'll be using after FAIL even before anyone's run head first into a hilarious injury.

We asked you to show us some moments that are guaranteed to end badly. The winner is below, but first the runners up ...

#23.


by sonofpat

#22.


by PastaRecon

#21.


by Austin316

#20.


by SamLowery

#19.


by McBeefy

#18.


by thebluesader

#17.


by cazman

#16.


by scott_walker

#15.


by MRDUCKS

#14.


by McBeefy

#13.


by lokimotive

#12.


by hoomhum

#11.


by Happy Emo

#10.


by Gusmanio

#9.


by Cee-Ell

#8.


by pizzamogul

#7.


by misterq

#6.


by headbangking

#5.


by Brian_Cohen

#4.


by kunky

#3.


by

#2.


by Strange but Untrue

And the winner is ...


by braddas

 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
Activate by Stellar Kart
 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
 
K-rant
Is anyone not a victim???


So today I heard a commercial on the radio that really irritated me, it was one of those commercials that cater to people with poor finances and even poorer judgment.  It basically went: “Are you a victim?  If you have a mortgage, credit card debt, or owe money, then YOU ARE A VICTIM!  You could declare bankruptcy, but the new law FORCES you to repay your debts! Call us blah blah blah blah…..”  Ok, so lets break this down…  First off, doesn’t everyone have some type of debt?  Whether its student loans, mortgage or business loans, EVERYONE has some kind of debt soo… we are all victims of… what?  Who has victimized us?   Putting aside the common debt that everyone has, let's focus on the people who are really screwed- those who owe lots on credit cards.  If you owe several thousand, or tens of thousands on credit cards- whose fault it that?  The stores that sold you the goods?  The company that produced such an irresistible product?  The bank that actually trusted you to pay them back on the incredibly high interest loan they gave you in the form of a credit card?  No, I’m pretty sure it's your own damn fault.  If you can’t control your urge to spend, if you can’t make and keep a budget, if you can’t make a grown up decision not to spend money, it's your own damn fault if your credit rating is lower than your IQ.   I know life is tough, and anyone can find themselves in a bind.  Anyone can find that their income is less than what they need to live at the level they desire.  But that is where people have the choice as to what to do about it.  You can lower your standards of living, not get cable tv, not go out as often, not take vacations.  You can choose to live beyond your means,  use credit cards for everything, and just HOPE that your big payday will come soon (and be s.o.l.  when it never comes).  Or you can work your ass off and make your life better.  It's tough, it’s a lot of work, and frankly it doesn’t always pan out but you CAN make it work.   A few contrasting examples:  My dad is one of the hardest workers I know,  I have tremendous respect for his business sense and work ethic.  He started out with NO skills, and taught himself carpentry.  From there he became a plumber.  He raised a family of 5 on a plumber's salary, working weekends and any extra work he could get so he could take us on trips and buy us nice things that we could otherwise not afford.  Eventually he started his own successful business that has since prospered.  But this only came after an enormous amount of effort.  Of course this doesn’t always pan out.  I know numerous people who opened businesses that failed and lost money.  But they tried, and kept trying.  Eventually they will prosper, if they keep chasing the American dream.  And sometimes, even if life appears to hand you a raw deal, you can turn it into the greatest of lives.  Take a family we know who started off rough, she was pregnant at 17, in high school, and the future looked bleak.  But they stuck together, got married and worked their butts off.  Now, years later they still have to work hard, he works two jobs and they clip coupons.  But she stays home with their 5 kids, they even homeschool and are by all appearances some of the most joyful  people I know.  They were not given any breaks, they had no advantages, but they made it work through sheer will.  Contrast that to the people who visit loan sharks, payday loan companies, buy things they don’t need, and whine to the media that they “just didn’t know!”  They are shocked to find that you are FORCED to pay off your creditors even if you declare bankruptcy.  My point is: life it rough.  At some point everyone finds themselves in dire straits.  Whether its medical bills, collage loans, losing a job, or whatever.  But there is always a way out.  Nobody is a victim, it's just life.  And lest anyone accuse me of being all high and mighty, I am just as guilty of bad decisions.  I have made my share of dumb financial choices, and paid the price.   And we are still working to get ourselves in a better spot.  And that’s fine, because we make mistakes, and live with them.  They are our problems and no one thrust them on us.  The only advice I would give is this: try living with out a credit card if you are struggling.  We came to rely on using our Visa anytime we "needed" something that wasn't budgeted for and funds were short.  But I realized that we would never pay it off if we kept using it.  So I shredded our card so we could not use it, and we kept making payments.  And guess what?  We found money elsewhere.  Or we put off buying stuff till the next payday.  We came to find that even with out relying on the credit card we somehow managed.  There's such freedom that comes with living within our means. Anyone can make mistakes.  Accept them and fix them.  No one is a victim.
 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
http://ewtn.com/images/hp/2010/baptismLord/HP_Baptism_10.jpg
 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 

So anyone who knows me, knows that I am a big fan of Glenn Beck.  That being said, this article ripping him to pieces made me laugh.  Even the biggest fan of his has to admit, some of this stuff strikes a bit of truth.


The Christmas Sweater

The Christmas Sweater is Glenn Beck's one-man play simulcast across the nation to an audience of literally dozens. My mom's friend's hairdresser's brother saw it, and his eye cancer was cured, which he didn't even know he had!
Theoretical states of Glenn Beck include: plasma, svelte, and decent human being.
Theoretical states of Glenn Beck include: plasma, svelte, and decent human being.

Just The Facts

  1. The Christmas sweater is a "true" story about reanimated corpses.
  2. On opening night, 34 people attended this film in New York and Boston COMBINED.
  3. Glenn Beck can weep on command, but if you want him to cry convincingly, that'll be an extra $20.
  4. He spent most of his career as a morning zoo radio DJ, so he was somehow more annoying at one point.
  5. Wacky zoo crew DJs are failed stand-up comedians.
  6. In June of 2009, Beck embarked on a stand-up comedy tour.
  7. He has compared himself to "Network"'s Howard Beale, George Orwell, and Martin Luther King, the almost-imperceptible difference being those men cared about the liberation of other human beings and weren't gold-digging whores.

Background

There are three basic responses to fear: fight, flight, and losing your shit. Glenn Beck embodies all of them.

For much of the Bush years, official Fox-brand conservatives controlled all three branches of federal government. This made them very angry, so their mouthpiece was blustery Bill O'Reilly. The day Obama got elected, Fox completely lost its mind. "Oh noes!" the Fox staff shrieked, as they fearfully scanned the sky for falling pieces, "Oh goodness gracious graham crackers!"

A new voice needed to be heard: one that leapt crazily from constipated groans to the bleating of a pulled groin muscle. That groin...was Glenn Beck's.

The difference between Glenn Beck and Chicken Little is Chicken Little was sincere.
"Here's what a civil war would fix if our military decided to stage a coup

and take back our country, not that I'm advocating that or anything."

He is the vanguard of a new conservatism, as soon as someone figures out what it is. Gone is the clear mission statement of Bush and Cheney ("Fuck you, do what we say"). Beck represents a populace that cheers Sarah Palin for word-blasting "America democracy olive garden freedom" whenever she doesn't know the answer to a question.

There are great arguments for conservative principles not being made because a sentient cloud of connotations like Beck just slaps together every buzzword that makes people feel patriotic. He's the Thomas Kinkade of political commentary.

Thomas Kinkade is the KFC Famous Bowl of painting
And Kinkade, in turn, is the KFC Famous Bowl of painting.

Beck lathers himself up over the loss of the good old days when Russia was a radar blip from nuking us, hot dogs only cost a smile, black people weren't sensitive about mistreatment, and everyone felt as great as they did the day after 9/11. The next time you feel like a jerk, do a quick check: Have you invoked the specter of 3000 dead human beings to boost your audience? No? Then you have more class than Glenn Beck, and possibly more class than a syphilis-scabbed ballsack.

Blame the 12 Nazi Jewish bankers who control the world and hate white people

The lone hinge on which Beck's door marked "WHARGARBBL / WAHHH" swings is his unparalleled love of country. He's sorry, it's just...you have to understand, America is like a beautiful woman he swoons over with no thought of himself, and the socialist warlocks in Washington are like Ted Bundy if he were a less attentive lover.

The difference between Glenn Beck and Chicken Little is Chicken Little was sincere.
Too bad he's able to perform every night.

All that energy has to go somewhere, and that's when Beck unloads white-hot speculation on America's unsuspecting face.

Does out-of-mint currency prophesize America's century-long march towards fascism? You bet. Is it actually fascism we're marching towards, or socialism? Stay tuned. Is Cash for Clunkers an excuse for the government to spy on your computer? Beck and a pretty face with nothing to contribute would love to tell you all about it right after Jonah Goldberg throws twerpy "quotes" around whether the wildly successful program is "working." (Hint: Yes, you specious "urethra.")

And so on. The difference between a Glenn Beck conspiracy and the coronation scene in Carrie is Carrie didn't overreact as hysterically:

Glenn Beck should follow Carrie's example and only have his period once every 18 years.

Also, there was far less menstruation.

Beck decimates any dialogue between the valid sides of the debate. He also damages his own conservative and libertarian stances by under-representing their case in favor of misleading pieces like this:

Did you notice the part where he claimed no one was comparing health care reform to Nazism? Probably not, because it was buried between two chunks of emotional oatmeal comparing health care reform to Nazism.

But he's right about the conspiracies out there. Like the TV personality who pushed and promoted gold like it was crack while under contract with Goldline International! We must hound such conflicted interests within the media wherev--huh? Oh, it was Beck himself? Carry on, then.

The War on Christmas is fictitious

Inordinate love of gold, international plot, inability to feel anything...
when he claims he's not a journalist, we didn't realize that meant he's a Bond villain

BOO HOO HO! Merry Christmas.

After cobbling together conspiracies whose sheer unreality can cure schizophrenia, he is known for making himself cry. And oh, does he make himself cry. After the crescendo of paranoia, Beck approaches catharsis the way Tammy Faye Baker approached makeup.

It'd be one thing if he were just a crybaby. That would be fine. But he's a fake crybaby. He gets his money pretending to feel things and selling it as genuine to people who really do feel those things. His tears, his outrage, his paranoia...it's all fake. He's no better than one of those mourners you hire for an Italian funeral, or worse, Staind.

Once he got that emotional manipulation thing down, Beck went for the easy lay-up Fox talking heads annually use to inflame the public: Christmas.

The War on Christmas is fictitious

"Who's got a dollar? Give Uncle Glenn a dollar and he'll show you an emotion!
C'mon, one of you kids must have a dollar!"

Will "The Christmas Sweater" porn spoof also be a one-man show?

The Christmas Sweater was originally released in 2008 despite the best efforts of Homeland Security. In 2009, The Christmas Sweater: A Return to Redemption simulcast a repeat viewing of the 2008 performance, with the addition of watching Glenn Beck watching Glenn Beck. And of course, being Glenn Beck, he drops crocodile tears 15 seconds into the broadcast.

The gist of the tale is an orphan named Eddie curses an unloving God who stole his parents as punishment for being a horrible child. Originally, I thought God took them because they ignored His command in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 to stone disobedient children, but redemption is part of the true meaning of Christmas. It's also why Deuteronomicon is such a lousy holiday.

God, realizing He has authored his own nemesis, sends a terrible storm to kill Eddie before the boy embraces his power as the anti-Christ. Wait, no, we've lost the narrative thread. Eddie's mom gives him a sweater she knitted herself even though really wanted a bike. Eddie acts like a brat about it, so boy, is he embarrassed when Mom falls asleep at the wheel, killing herself and any chance of getting a bike for Christmas. Joke's on you, Eddie! You should have seen the look on your face when your mom's carotid artery spewed a furious fountain all over the front seat, subsided to mere spurts, and the heat of life left her body forever! Hoo hah! I bet you learned your lesson then.

Our Lord is a vengeful Lord
Our Lord is a vengeful, loving Lord.

Eddie goes to live with his grandparents, who rub salt in his orphan's wounds by showing him the bike they wanted to give him if he hadn't been so upset about not getting a bike. Eddie is plainly living with cruel psychologist Harry Harlow.

The poor kid flees into a cornfield, possibly in an attempt to get out of a Glenn Beck story. Alas, there, like Moby Dick seizing Ahab, the storm comes to claim its due. Fortunately(?) folksy country character Russell shows up, and rather than help the lost child home, tells him to press through and everything will work itself out. Either Russell hopped the fourth wall to get there and is aware the devastating storm is a harmless metaphor, or Eddie's grandfather paid him to help finish the kid off, because that's terrible advice.

Off they go, into the storm, at which point they die. Or something, because that's when Eddie wakes up at home, and his mom is alive! But is it a horrible, undead state? The film's final moments leave us wondering, cutting to outside the house as Eddie's shriek curdles the blood. Either way, God has His revenge, killing a woman and bringing her back simply to teach a child a lesson.

Our Lord is a vengeful Lord
Our Lord has been dipping into the eggnog.

The Christmas Sweater attempts to define the true spirit of Christmas: love, rather than materialism -- but it's the love of a horny polar bear who catches you just before you reach the safety of Santa's workshop. Like all the best cults, it softens you up first with tedium and repetition, then BAM! you've been emotionally reamed by Beck's tale of two dead parents and a weather phenomenon that advises lost children to plunge deeper into it. That's when Beck (who charges $20 a head) explains why money's not important and if you'd bought his book you would know that already.

Our Lord is a vengeful Lord
The true meaning of Christmas

Still, "Treasure people, not things," is a good message that Beck has to work very hard to twist into something as wrong as mayonnaise on a sundae. Promotional materials for The Christmas Sweater, a story which raises the dead, have made much of the fact that it's "true" and "real." Of course, none of that happened except possibly the author received a sweater from his mom for Christmas. That's like saying A Midsummer Night's Dream is historical because Shakespeare knew a guy who acted like a jackass (presumably an ancestor of Beck's).

It was this or a picture of a faerie wedding.
It was this or a picture of a faerie wedding.

He also interviews several people whose lives he claims to have saved with his book. If the only thing keeping you from suicide is a turgid story about characters react to threatening symbols exactly as though they know they're mere symbols, I hope you enjoy Scrabble Sundays down at the Knights of Columbus hall, because that's about as crrrrrazy an existence as you're going to be able to withstand.

The life-affirming message is just one more thing for Beck to get choked up about. He's a sensitive guy, concerned with the rights of all. Except pregnant women. Here he is on the radio making fun of a woman for having a miscarriage.

Glenn Beck's Fourth of July Sweater
And coming this July: Glenn Beck's THE INDEPENDENCE DAY SWEATER

Wait -- what was that earlier about black people?

Oh, it happened. A reporter asked President Obama for his opinion about the arrest of a Harvard professor of his acquaintance. It was this:

"Now, I've - I don't know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played in that. But I think it's fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home. And number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there is a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately. That's just a fact."

Anybody normal would call that a fairly reasonable statement, though most would agree it's a weak argument to call shenanigans while saying you don't know all the facts. After all, it's horrendous to arrest an innocent man, but our society can certainly understand the urge to imprison a lawyer.

It's better than what Shakespeare had planned for them.
A lawyer in his natural habitat

Was Obama arguing from a semi-uninformed position on the facts? Beck leaps right past that and decides it's a racist indictment of all white culture, except, obviously, polka.

White culture has certainly given us some awesome stuff, like cardiac surgery, peanut butter, rock 'n' roll, and the works of James Baldwin. Wait...sorry, I'm thinking of things black people invented that white people got rich off of. But I'm pretty sure we're behind cheeseburgers and St. Patrick's Day, so there's that.

Beck, who makes up conspiracies for a living, criticized Obama for speculating. What? The Bre'r Fox & Friends brain trust spent six minutes speculating "Of course Obama's racist, but exactly HOW racist is he?" while citing fictitious "reports," but Obama's the racist for saying you shouldn't arrest a dude whose door was broken?

Okay, Fox, we get it. If the president commented it was a nice day, you'd shriek the heavens were raining blood. But arguing the cops should arrest a guy who was legally entering his private property makes you, Glenn Beck, a crappy libertarian. You just failed at being an unrealistic ideologue, even though that's the only personality you have.

But here's where America is awesome while Glenn Beck sucks koala teat. The Henry Louis Gates incident was a whole lot of racially sensitive "Wuh-oh" nobody -- the professor, the policeman, the president -- wanted to be part of. So you know how the three men resolved it? Rather than try to figure out who was right or wrong, they dropped the matter and had a beer.

The true resolution to a situation

Is this a great country or what?

Gates and Sgt. Crowley agreed to make things better, not worse, by getting sauced with the President of the United States. The best part is, before the cameras even came out, the two men made plans to share a meal.

That's how reasonable human beings act.

They forgave and forgot once they'd cooled off. The lesson is the universal power of "Sorry. Let me get you a beer."

Unfortunately, there are people out there -- on both sides -- who make their living dividing America. Glenn Beck is one of them, but you couldn't buy him a beer anyway. He's a Mormon alcoholic, minus the one quality that makes both groups terrific: treating strangers like their best friends.

The primary difference between Beck and O'Reilly in their reigns as King of Fox Bullshit is at least O'Reilly's a sincere blowhard. His audience is comprised of men with gout who think they're the only ones who know how the world works. And that's fine. Every population has its demagogue. Liberals have Michael Moore, douchebags have Dane Cook, and people who believe in evolution have Satan.

It was this or a picture of a faerie wedding.
"Excellent. Now to invent heavy metal,
convince people God wants them to kill,

and get Carlos Mencia his own show."

But Beck's insincerity makes him dissimilar from his audience. He panders to the vulnerable emotions of people who believe in mom, country and apple pie, then tells them Obama is a secret atheist Muslim ninja who has orders from Stalin's Ghost to nuke orphanages unless they buy Beck's book. It's like he's found a way to passive-aggressively mug our grandparents and make them thank him for it.

That's the saddest thing about him. You can't even form a real reaction to him; Limbaugh's a blowhard, Stern's a tool, but Beck is a complete cipher. Like most successful prostitutes, he'll be anyone you want if the price is right.

America's a great country. We've made some mistakes (slavery, Prohibition, canceling Veronica Mars) but we've achieved the impossible (We split the atom! We went to the moon! The Red Sox won the World Series!) We've survived a lot, and we'll survive a lot more, including pied pipers like Glenn Beck. Meanwhile, the rest of us will be sitting by the bar, waiting for him to join us.

Brendan McGinley is the writer of "Hannibal Goes to Rome" and some other kick-ass stuff. All he wants for Christmas is you.

 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

25 Hand Print Art Projects Way More Badass Than a Turkey

By CRACKED Readers Nov 24, 2009 119,752 views
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Around this time each year, art teachers ask students to turn their hand print into a turkey that looks like a peacock that's been crippled by its own fat ass. Why not let them choose what they turn their hand prints into? Sure, you might get a few idiotic variations on "The Blob with 5 Wangs," but you'd also learn which students are the right kind of idiots, which is really an art teacher's only job.

We decided to see what our readers could do with a wide open version of the famous art project. The winner is below, but first the runners up ...

#25.


by nicozmanski

#24.


by BUKU

#23.


by mrguilt

#22.


by sekhmet_the_eye

#21.


by AwesomeJohn

#20.


by Bobby Bobby

#19.


by nicozmanski

#18.


by bunni

#17.


by Synergy

#16.


by Moneypenny

#15.


by headbangking

#14.


by SpaceBugman

#13.


by BrodieMan

#12.


by smedtje

#11.


by TheDumpingGroud

#10.


by aliciacoral

#9.


by headbangking

#8.


by headbangking

#7.


by aliciacoral

#6.


by BUKU

#5.


by Bobby Bobby

#4.


by Bobby Bobby

#3.


by Bobby Bobby

#2.


by Bobby Bobby

And the winner is ...


by Bobby Bobby

 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
I don't recommend music often, but when I do you can bet it's awesome... This is "FireFlies" by Owl City.. great song, great lyrics.  It's about wishing time would slow down so you can enjoy life and being young.   Give it a chance!
 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
Although words are not enough, and never will be... Today we say a prayer of thanks for our American Veterans.  For keeping us free.  For keeping us safe.  And for their selfless giving of themselves day after day, year after year asking nothing and giving everything.  For all this we give a very humble thanks.  If you know a veteran, please thank them.  If you see a solider, buy them a cup of coffee.  Simply stop, and say a prayer of thanks for the opportunity to live in this great country, and for the men and women that make it free.


http://jrenseyblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/soldier-and-flag.jpg


 
Submitted by: Ken
 
 
 
Happy 8th Anniversary, Emily- I LOVE YOU.
 
Submitted by: Ken